sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
