i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
