Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He felt like a one man threesome
Actions speak louder than pants.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
