he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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