the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
