do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
