Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
