Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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