Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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