Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I lost the right to judge tonight
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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