google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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