So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
