I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
