he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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