just come out here and I will go home with you...
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
