I love black thongs
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
