Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
