I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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