let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
