I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
