Don't you send me to vm
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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