Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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