I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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