yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
