I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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