Got a toothbrush?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
