btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
