If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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