I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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