the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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