im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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