I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
