Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
