No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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