So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
