im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
