some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
