people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
