once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
