I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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