i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
