his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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