This dress was meant to end up on your floor
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
