i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
