You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
