Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
