Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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