what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We're too hungover to prance.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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