Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
