whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
